This has only happened once (twice, now, I guess) since Lil Man was born: The Hubs and I went out, sans child.
Once was for our eighth wedding anniversary this past June. We were gone for maybe a total of three hours, if that. We went to a restaurant, had nothing to talk about other than Lil Man, and came back home. Oh, and we walked around Wal-Mart, as was tradition at University of Florida when there was nothing else to do but you didn’t want to go home. That habit still haunts us. Excitement personified, huh?
But last night was different. We went to dinner at a nice place, had a great time, actually had some great conversation, allowed ourselves to dream about travel again, and then went to see Anthony Bourdain, who is hilarious, if only for the way he talks about Sandra Lee. A whole evening with my man, no diapers, no spit-up, no pulled hair. Oh, heaven!
That’s something that is so hard to balance, to make sure that I’m still connecting with DH on a regular basis (and not just the dirty type of ‘connect’ – get your heads out of the gutter). It seems that on the weekends we are just taking care of errands, or tag teaming on Lil Man’s care so that we can each have just a little bit of down time and don’t really get to spend time together. With no family, and not many good friends around, it’s hard to find someone to watch Lil Man so we can have date nights. Otherwise, it would be a much more regular occurrence.
I remember a couple of months before Lil Man was born, I completely freaked out about losing my relationship with DH once we had a child. With hectic work schedules and even more hectic parenting schedules, how would we ever carve out time for ourselves? How can I avoid being one of those couples who grow apart so that when they become empty nesters, there’s nothing left in the relationship?
At first, I must say, I didn’t really think about it. Lil Man took every second of my time. I was trying to learn to be a mom, trying to get to know him and his needs. Pretty soon, though, we realized we were drifting and began having lunch together during the week, even if it meant having to take an extra hour or two out of work. Then we realized that instead of effing around on our phones while waiting for Lil Man to wake up before going into a store (that kid can sleep in a car like nobody’s business), we could talk. Imagine that.
So bit by bit, we’ve found ways to carve out a little bit of time for each other – making sure our kiss hello and our kiss goodbye is a little longer, that we talk a little before going to sleep, that we check in with each other during the day. It’s not enough. I mean, it had been just the two of us for almost ten years (8 married). Shifting to putting each other lower on the priority list is odd. But this is only temporary. We know that someday, our kid(s?) will be out of the house, and it will be just us again. Hopefully we’ll still know each other, and we won’t be looking at each other like strangers. Anyone have any thoughts on how to achieve this?