This weekend, I had to go try on a dress for my best friend’s wedding. Why is it that whenever I say that, I automatically start singing “I Say A Little Prayer For You” from the soundtrack from My Best Friend’s Wedding? Is that just me?
Anyway…Going into it, I was pretty filled with dread. The dress is so pretty, the color is great, but:
1. Everyone in the wedding party is lean and slender. I am not, and will never be lean and slender. It’s just not my body type. They are Giselle Bündchen. I am Betty Boop.
2. My BFF was very excited to tell me that it makes all the other girls look like they have hips and an ass. I already have plentiful hips and ass. As a matter of fact, every time I’m with any group of friends and “Baby Got Back” comes on, someone always says “Hey! It’s your song!” However, if it makes slender girls curvy, the dress will most likely make me look like an elephant.
3. It’s a strapless dress, and my boobs are huge. Prepare yourselves: I am a 36J. Yes, that’s a J. I’m shocked on a daily basis that I don’t tip over. So strapless (with ruching on the boobage to boot!) sends shots of electric panic down my spine.
But I want to be there for my BFF, and if public humiliation is what it takes, then that’s what I will do. Off I went to the store, where I was warned that the dresses run very small, and that I shouldn’t be shocked at the size on the dress. Awesomesauce.
Whose grand idea was this, by the way? I mean, why not make the sizes run big so that everyone gets a bit of a confidence boost? Maybe if they did that, people would be inclined to purchase a dress for the dress rehearsal at the same time. Where is the entrepreneurial spirit of these people? Seriously.
So into the stuffy, tiny fitting room I went, praying for the best, but preparing for the worst. The sales assistant brought me two sizes to try out. I took a deep breath, chanted “I’m doing this for BFF, I’m doing this for BFF.” a few times, breathed out and tried on the larger of the two dresses.
It was swimming on me.
I checked the size again. Yup, it was the larger one. I tried on the smaller one, and it was still just a tiny bit loose in some parts. Yay! It wasn’t a sizing mistake, I’m actually smaller than I thought I was!
But hold up. On second look, the smaller size was just a little too revealing in the bust. My JWowws definitely runneth over. And although it was a little loose at the waist, it flared out oddly, making me look like I was wearing a droopy tutu, which does not do much for my shape.
So I ended up getting the larger size, which has to be hemmed quite a bit and taken in 3-4 inches all the way down, except at my bust, where it’s just right.
Overall, I’m a happy camper. The dress isn’t horrendous. It’s actually really pretty and almost flattering on me. Nothing that the seamstress, a breast reduction and a shake weight can’t fix. The color is gorgeous – a dark blue, almost navy, but with more life to it than regular navy.
And the best part is that I get to be by my best friend on her wedding day. I’m so stoked about that.
Plus, I get to shop for shoes and accessories to match, and isn’t that the best kind of shopping there is?