Apparently, Uterus Watch 2011 has begun.

Is it strange that since this past Saturday, I’ve had five people ask me when I’m going to have Baby No. 2?  Not to mention some ‘comments’ made by others. I feel like all of a sudden, everyone is watching every move I make to see if I’m pregnant, when we’re not even TTC.

Am I ready for this again?

It’s not even “Do you think you guys will have another baby someday?”

No.  It’s “When do you think you’ll get pregnant?  This year, right?”

To tell the truth, yes, we’re thinking about it.  But it’s kind of a scary proposition.  I’ve got it really good with my baby boy.  He’s a pretty awesome kid. Other than him not liking to sleep, and me being a sleepaholic, I’ve really lucked out. What if I have another one and he/she is an absolute terror?  Even worse, what if that baby is ill or has some sort of serious difficulty?  I know I’ll just have to handle whatever situation comes my way, and I’ll love any child of mine no matter what, but the guilt of having brought a child into the world that would have a difficult life would kill me.

Then the logistics come into play.  Should we have a second child soon so that they’ll be close in age or spread them out to give ourselves a bit of a break?  I mean, I feel like I am just starting to get out of this funk I’ve been in.  After TTC for almost a year, miscarrying and then getting pregnant a few months later, then morning sickness that almost killed me and an 18+ hour labor, plus nursing for a year, I’m just now starting to feel like a person again. Should I dive back in so quickly? Will Lil Man be ready to have less attention?  How will he handle being a big brother?  Will he be in a toddler bed by the time No. 2 arrives? Should I plan to TTC after he transitions out of a crib (I really don’t want to buy another one)? Can we afford it?

But I do miss being pregnant.  I miss the baby bump, I miss those secret little kicks in my belly, the flutters that only a mama and her baby can share.  I miss holding a tiny newborn close to me, kissing itty bitty fingers, feeling that little warm baby curl up and fall asleep on my chest.

But I don’t miss the worrying during the pregnancy.  The times where the baby doesn’t move as much, the horror stories you read online of perfectly active babies dying during labor, of miscarrying again, of not knowing what’s really going on in there, if you’re doing everything right, or if indulging in one too many trips to Starbucks is really going to matter.  And those first few sleepless months.  Oh God.  And the crying.  Can I do that again?  Is it easier the second time around or is it more difficult balancing two kids?

How do you know if you’re ready for another child?  There is so much more to consider than when you decide to go for it the first time.

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About aliciamariel

wife, mama, crafter, traveler. always want to learn more.
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