::at another secret Toddler General Assembly clubhouse::
Hi everyone! I am so stoked to be back home! You all heard about my first flight last week, right? Thank you so much for all your suggestions on how to be really rotten on the flight back. Let me tell you what happened. I think you will be proud of me.
Did you guys know mama and dada ditched me? Me?!?! I know! I couldn’t believe it either. They said that they were going to some party far away, and that I wouldn’t like it. As if there could ever be a party worth going to without me. Really. What could they possibly be doing that they can’t do with me around?
But I had a pretty good time with my grandparents. They like to spoil me a lot. So when Mama and Dada came to get me, I didn’t pay attention to mama – only to dada. But only lasted a little bit. I had to put mama in her place, but I missed her, so I couldn’t stay away too long.
The next day, Mama told me that we were coming home! Yay! I couldn’t wait to get to our house and our dog and my school and all my friends! We went to that place called the airport. It was nuts. It had lots of stuff to look at. And it had a huge fountain in the middle. Mama said that the people who put the fountain in did it to drown out all the noise, but that it’s really to drown out the choice words that people say in that area because it’s so crazy at the security lines. Can you imagine being able to choose words? Sigh. Maybe someday I’ll have a choice of my words. I only know a handful right now. I don’t think I’d ever want anything to drown out my words.
Then we stood in lines for ever, and by the time we got to the airplane, we didn’t have any time for me to run around and check out the airport. This made me very grumpy. So once we were on the airplane, I decided to be whiny and squirmy. I mean, seriously. Mama and Dada should know that I need to run. Keeping me strapped in a stroller for so long and then trying to keep me settled down on the plane is just plain unfair. Mama and Dada tried everything to get me happy. But I stayed strong. I squealed and I squirmed the whole time. I didn’t tear the magazines, but I did throw them everywhere. And I didn’t dump cheerios on the heads of the people in front of me like I had planned, but I spilled them all over the floor, under the seats and everything. Dada was sooooo annoyed, but I thought it was funny. Aren’t you guys proud of me?
I had a lot of fun, too. Mama and Dada had new books for me and some toys, but they didn’t keep me interested for very long. Mama had this really cool crayon thing that she could erase. It wasn’t supposed to be messy, but I got crayon stuff everywhere – even on her new pants! I get bonus points for that one, right?
I think I did alright with my Toddler Pact. I wasn’t totally rotten, and I didn’t make Mama cry, but I think I gave her some gray hair. At the end of the flight, Mama said that if she had to grade me (huh?), it would be a C (whatever that means), and that we weren’t going to fly for a very, very long time.
Then, just to make sure that they know that I am, in fact, the supreme ruler of the household (like all us toddlers are), I fell asleep as soon as we got to the car. Mama had tried so hard to get me to sleep on the plane. I was really sleepy, but I was able to resist and stay awake and cranky the whole flight. They needed to learn a lesson. Not letting me play is not a good idea.
So, what do you think? Was I worthy of the title of Toddler?